Maggie woke up sad and I woke up angry. But we share this sick feeling in the pit of our stomachs. We are trying to smile but it’s tough. And we both agree that it seems to hurt a lot worse this time around. I think the second time around it’s just harder to start the climb when you know what the hill looks like. Or is the hill bigger this time around? It looks it from where we’re standing.
Maggie says she feels a little wonky still from yesterday’s abuse. Frankly, I’m amazed she’s standing. That was the most wild biological whipsaw I’ve ever seen. Nurse Sharron and the other staff at The Spa did a wonderful job of triage and helping us out. I’m very thankful they were there, available and attentive. I can only imagine how that would have played out in a less caring, more sterile environment like at MD Anderson. So, I suppose that’s one thing I’m definitely thankful about from yesterday – the competent and caring staff at The Spa.
This morning we decided to start the Xeloda. We are both saddened that yesterday kept us from getting on with the chemo regimen. Those tumors aren’t waiting around until we get the meds right so we’ve got to get on it. Not time to waste. So at our lunch with Martha at Plucker’s, she took her first four poison horse pills. Within an hour she said she could feel its draining effects. But Maggie says she can feel the tumor in her chest and that her chest has grown in size. Is it psychosomatic? Does it matter? Feeling bad from the chemo pills will make her feel better that we are doing something other than just waiting.