Keeping On

I haven’t been updating as often as before.  It’s getting harder to pull through our daily lives.  I’m not sure as to why that would cause me to be a less prolific writer.  I’d expect, as it has been before, that the more difficult the times, the more driven to write I’d be.  But my actions (or lack thereof) speak for themselves.  I’m sure I’ll pay some psychiatrist one day to peel back the emotional onion that has been the last few years.  But for now, I cope.  We cope.

Maggie’s pain continues to grow worse.  It seems to come in cycles.  It’s not debilitating in that it’s preventing her from functioning.  But it’s ever present, sometimes much worse than others.  As a result we’re going through the pain meds considerably faster now – about one bag every eight hours or so.  Sometimes we’ll burn through a bag in less than four, although that’s rare.  Right now the number one problem is the pain in her chest.  It’s making breathing problematic.  The tumors in her neck are causing issues with swallowing, too, although it’s not anything critical.  Actually, nothing is really critical.  She’s mostly up and about and doing ok.  It’s just tough to accept that we appear to be losing ground.

Energy has become a significant issue, too.  She doesn’t have much to spare.  I’m not sure if that’s because nightly sleep is more difficult or because of increased pain meds wear her down or there is some other issue.  But afternoon naps for three or more hours aren’t unusual.  It’s such a stark contrast to….  Well, it’s just so different.

Yesterday, we went into the Spa for some urgent tests that I know Maggie’d prefer I’d not call out specifically.  Basically, the antibiotic that we took to quash any lingering risk of pneumonia caused another unpleasant (but fairly common) side-effect.  Dr. Loukas wanted to double-check that this new side-effect wasn’t something worse that might quickly lead to hospitalization (c. diff).  Our quick 30 minutes trip ended up instead being a four hour visit so she could get re-hydrated.  Nothing like a mid-day four hour trip to the Spa to break up the day.  And, grumble, we still haven’t heard back about the tests.

On a personal note, I seem to have lost my sense of humor which is quite worrisome  I’ve always claimed that the two things you can count on with me no matter what are my appetite and my sense of humor.  At least I’m still eating well but the jokes aren’t flowing like they used to.  That humor thing is around here somewhere.  I’ll find it again eventually.  I suppose that, in the grand scheme, my lack of jokes is somewhat funny.

Perhaps the toughest challenge of all is that at a time when we need each other the most, we have the least extra oomph to give to one another.  She needs me to be strong, be positive, to take care of the house and to tend to all the “life maintenance” stuff.  I need her support me emotionally, and, since I seem to be doing more staring into space than housework, to help me care for the house and tend to other “life maintenance” stuff.  We’re like a couple of completely ineffective co-dependants.

Despite it all, Maggie’s spirits are good.  She’s still got her smiles for me and that feeds my fire.  I don’t know what I’d do without her.

16 thoughts on “Keeping On

  1. Chris I’ll arrange for a house cleaning asap, that’s the last thing you two need to worry about. And I’m sure you haven’t lost your sense of humor, your just a little spent right now. Both of you please take advantage of all of us who are here to catch y’all when you fall or deflect the tangible. The two of you are amazing beyond comprehension. I know I speak for so many whose lives you both have touched, I hope y’all feel all the love and strength coming from us all.

  2. Maybe Leslee & Pete or other close friends or family members can arrange for a regular service to keep up with housework, yard work, etc., using some of the funds sent to Maggie and Chris. Anything that can be done to ease Maggie and Chris’ way is one less thing they have to worry about, and goodness knows, they have more than enough on their plates. Whether it be for regular housekeeping, flights for treatment, etc., we can help in this small way.
    For those wishing to send anything to Maggie and Chris the address is 5501-A Balcones Drive; Box 136; Austin, TX 78731.
    If you wish to make a deposit directly to their account you can mail a check to National Bank by Mail; KY1-0900; Chase; P.O. Box 36520; Louisville, KY 40233-6520. On the check, in the memo space to the lower left, you MUST remember to write “Chris Weaver, #810368241.

  3. Keep your head up. I know your a little down right now with all thats going on and just know that you and Maggie are in my prayers!

  4. Chris, I cried when I read your post. COLON CANCER SUCKS! We were told this week that Ron’s cancer may not be in remission afterall (conflicting opinions). So, our celebration may have been short lived. Its not easy seeing someone you love go through all this. Chris, I appreciate the honesty of your post. I am praying for you, Maggie and all your loved ones.

  5. I rarely write on the blog becuase for me the words don’t flow as easily. They fight to come out, to say somehing moving or inspiring. Today, all I can say is…I love you both and I will ask God (as I do every night) to give Maggie strength, cure her pain, and provide you comfort. I love you both.

    Reply

  6. A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses. The first day of class, she starts by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!”

    After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, “Do you think you’re stupid, Johnny?”

    “No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself.”

    Hold Fast, Welcome Spring and please keep some humor in your day.
    Don Macleod

  7. Knock, Knock.
    Who’s there?
    Duane
    Duane Who?
    Duane the bathtub, I’m DROWNING!!!

    Prayers continue from College Station….

  8. Thank you for all your jokes and well wishes. Today is a better day.

    For fear of losing any remaining street cred, I must offer up my own joke in return:

    A blonde walks into a bar and says “Ouch!”

    With much thanks,
    Chris

  9. And for you educators …. The teacher walks into the teachers’ lounge and says to the teacher at the copy machine, “TGIF!” The teacher at the copy machine stops, turns around, and frowns, “Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday!”

    Go on …. figure out the acronym!

    So there! Where do you think Chris learned it?? 🙂

    Love, love, love ….

  10. Maggie & Chris,
    This is Vicki (Turpin) Clark, Wendy Castellanos’ mom. Months ago, Wendy asked me to put y’all on the prayer list at our church, Crestview Baptist in Georgetown. The prayer list is distributed at every service (3 on Sun. & 1 on Wed.), so be assured that there are many people lifting you up every day!
    FYI, I now live in Georgetown just a few short miles from the airport. Should you need a place to stop & rest, or stay for the night, we have a guest room & would be happy to help. God bless you both! In Christ, Vicki Clark

  11. Chris anyone could understand why some of your humor would be lost right now because your best friend is in pain and you just want to make it better. Those of us who read your posts as frequently as you create them want to help you feel better too so here is my own attempt at a giggle for you:

    There are three men trapped on an island… an Irish man, a German man and a Polish man. As they are walking along the beach, a bottle appears and as they open it, a genie pops out. The genie grants each of the three men one wish. The Irish man wishes to be in a room filled with his entire family enjoying some libations. Bam, his wish is granted and he’s with his family having some nice drinks. The German man wishes to be on a vacation skiing. Bam, he’s instantly on a ski slope having the time of his life. The Polish man is the last one to make his wish. The genie asks him to make his wish… anything he wants. The Polish guy says, “I just want my friends back!”

    Continued prayers for you both…

  12. Sorry, I’m just catching up with the last few posts. I’d be more than happy to help clean the house or tend to the yard, or whatever you need. Seriously, just let me know.

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