Are you there God? It’s me, Maggie.

So I know this is Chris’ forum to write about me, us, our adventure and really just a cathartic space for him to get things off his chest. But, I wanted to post to tell you all about the most amazing day of healing I have had. I meant to put this up a few days ago so it already feels stale writing but here goes.

As you know we went to MD last Friday and received grim news. And the skies were gray as if to punctuate the seriousness of it all. Blah! It sucked. But I am by no means ready to give up. They gave us two options. One would be just let Hospice keep me comfortable and visit with friends. The other was that I could go back on the very first drug combo that I took when this whole mess started in January 2007. They said things like “long shot” and “unlikely” “usually does not work”…. but “sometimes”. Well, I’ll take the sometime – anytime.

So, the doc at MD was supposed to call and talk to Dr. Loukas to set up the chemo for Monday. Of course he never called Dr. Loukas or never reached him or whatever. But that’s neither here nor there. We were planning on showing up at the Spa on Monday morning for treatment.

We are all for a shotgun approach to this cure. I don’t care who gives it to us or who gets the credit, just get me well!

MD sent us home with some heavy duty antibiotics and something else to keep them from allowing fungus to grow inside…gross. I started taking those. I think they began quickly in getting rid of some of the phlegm in my lungs.

Then Sunday night I was feeling very scared about starting chemo. Chris really would have preferred that I take the easier route without the chemo for fear of losing precious days we still have together. But he was and is here to support my decision going the opposite direction. There is a little of disconnect though because he remembers how horrible that combo of drugs was when I first started it. I was in terrible shape and getting these horrific drugs was just a mega compound. What I remember is that I took that combo for almost 11 months and by the end I was tolerating pretty well. It’s no walk in the park folks but also does not steal five days from life recouping. We had a really long talk and decided it was just not a risk that we could afford ‘not’ to take. Shotgun, remember.

I also have been going to see an acupuncturist for about two weeks and he has been sticking me with needles and gave me some Chinese herbs and tea to take. It is a strange sensation being pricked by those needles. He feels around and hits the spot, which does not hurt (small needles) and there is the shock or sensation that travels up your body in line with the needle. I don’t really know what it is doing but I glad I can feel ‘something’. Today he put needles in my back and I could feel the point come out my front. Not literally but the sensation travels all the way through. On a side note his is a really funny guy, has been doing acupuncture for about 30 years and I think really has an inferiority complex when it comes to Western medicine. He believes he can cure cancer and I believe him, or at the very least I hope he can take a good pot shot at it. Each time I talk with him one of his concerns is that I will start doing this Eastern med thing and find out I am eligible for something Western and drop him like a hot potato. Or worse, that we will not be able to tell which medicine has cured me! DOC!! I don’t care who cures me, just get me a freaking cure. Our last chat about that one hopefully has quieted his tongue about the need for delineation.

Ok, so back to Sunday night… the decision we had come to, moving forward with chemo, doesn’t mean we were not both scared of the day ahead. We went to bed but a fitful sleep was all Chris could muster and I could not sleep. Not at all. I spent the entire night praying to God and asking him to remove all the disease from my body. Praying that He would do it in any way saw fit. He could dry the tumors up and just let them re-assimilate into my lung. He could allow me to cough them up and spit them out. Or cough them up and let me swallow the tumors, I am happy to digest them with any food substance or all by themselves. I asked Him to rid my liver of the tumors there. The liver can regenerate itself for Pete’s sake, just put all the bad into my body’s evacuation system, which is standing by ready to flush out all the toxins and tumors. I spent several hours imagining a yellow ball of light that was flowing into my body, into my lungs, into my liver and spreading healing. I also spent a lot of time hacking up phlegm from my lungs, and I know I was getting cancer with it. I just need to get it all! Then I chanted “kill the tumors, kill the cancer” for an amazingly long time. You would be amazed how much ground you can cover when you stay up all night.

Morning came Monday and we called the Spa…. they had received no word of our impending arrival and needed to get insurance approval and work me into the infusion room schedule. Uh! I hate waiting. But I think it actually was a good thing, I was very anxious and nervous from my evening and it was good to just sit around a while and calm down. They finally let us come down at 2pm. They set me up in my chair and after all the preliminary pre-meds and stuff they started to run the juice. I could feel it working immediately! I really could. The drug being administered is called CPT-11and it gives you a tingling sensation in you tongue and lips. I began to feel that and I laid there imagining the yellow ball. Entering with each breath, spreading though my body, my limbs… cleansing my organs, killing the cancer. I also did some silent chanting and killing the cancer and I talked to God about getting the show on the road. I have a good friend who says God is waiting. Waiting until this is so bad that when I am cured, the only explanation can be that it was a miracle and God’s will. Well I feel like we are getting pretty close here and I am willing to give credit to anyone and everyone who wants it. God, please just let everyone get a little credit and we can get this thing sorted out. As the CPT enters my body it really fills me with liquid and I have to go to the bathroom a lot. I reminded God to put all this tumor waste in my bladder and let me rid myself of it. By the end of the infusion (it takes several hours), I could actually feel more room in my lungs. Truthfully. I can take deeper breaths without the same obstructions.

We went home while Chris’ mom went to the pharmacy to pick up the second drug in my one-two punch. This one is called Xeloda, it comes in pill form but don’t let the deceive you; it is chemo therapy. I have to take eight horse pills a day for two weeks. There are some unpleasant side effects but I really don’t suffer them often. I have some level of better tolerance for the drug then a lot of other cancer patients I’ve talked to. We had forgotten, though that our wonderful insurance had changed the ‘schedule’ of Xeloda in one of their last updates to my policy (but not to Chris’) and the drug is now only covered 20% and will never apply to our deductibles or out-of-pockets or whatevers… $575.00 co-pay! Ridiculous. My first response was ‘forget it’! I got the CPT-11 and we will just see what that does. Chris, with a little better head on his shoulders, thought we should go ahead and get the meds, no point in backing out halfway. If he had this pricing argument Sunday night we might not have gone the chemo route. It is just such a racket and I really feel badly for people who can not make the decision to have the drug even if they want it.

Monday, we were home for the evening and ordered pizza. Chris’ mom, Lori, Brooke, and Jolie all came over to eat and hang out. I ate a normal dinner serving which I was really pleased about because I had been having low appetite problems. (It’s a scary thing to recognize that you are not eating and not really hungry.) I sat all evening in my leather chair with the oxygen tank but really not having problems breathing.

The girls brought with them a striking and beautiful prayer that Tracey had written for me and we all had a little cry. I was actually feeling pretty good and wasn’t feeling the same bloat that I usually feel after receiving bags and bags of chemo liquid. We chatted and had a pretty regular evening.

Over the last week a faith healer’s name has come up in three different conversations with three different people – Francis the Healer. I’d asked Leslee earlier in the day to the check him out and see what she thought of him and determine if I should go. Serendipitously, there was a conference of faith healers that very night in North Austin. Normally the faith healers get together and work on their trade alone but on this night there were over 100 of them gathered together in a church in North Austin. Leslee found that for this particular night, they met privately and, when they were done, one of them comes out the parking lot and invites the sick and infirm inside for some free healing. I think there were eight of us waiting in the parking lot. Inside, they had a line of chairs down the center isle and we each took a seat.

They asked our names but didn’t ask why we were there or what sort of healing was needed. Then Francis the Healer called out names of different people from the audience and had them come over to each of us in the chairs. He surrounded each of us with three healers, and then asked the rest of the group to stand and gather around.

We sat there in silence for about 15 minutes while the healers used their energies and focus and what ever power they might have to heal our bodies. It was really hot in the room. Hot air makes it more difficult for me to breath but I did not take my oxygen with me because it’s kind of loud and I didn’t want to cause a distraction. Unfortunately, Chris was too far away for me to get the oxygen when I decided I would rather have it than not. It was as struggle not to cough.

Everyone was absolutely silent. The healers laid their hands on me in different ways. I could feel the heat coming through their fingers.

Amazingly, I was able to keep it together the whole time and did not have a single coughing fit. We rose and left as silently as we came. They closed the door to continue their meeting and Chris and I went off into the night. As soon as we were out of that place, I started having a phenomenal coughing fit. I really hoped to believe that that was some of the cancer being purged from my body as I hacked and coughed like a fur-filled ol’ cat.

Later that night, I did take a bath to get some of that nice weightless feeling that makes my tummy feel better. Nurse Jolie told me to take a lorazapam and an Ambien so that I would get a good night sleep. I took them both and did not get up a single time Monday night. I can not remember the last full night sleep I have had. It has definitely been a long time.

Tuesday morning Martha took me in for another acupuncture treatment; I want to keep all the guns blazing. That afternoon, my hospice nurse and chaplain both came by for a chat. A good friend of mine, Deena, who is struggling with this same fight came to bring me sunflowers. Deena is an amazing inspiration to me through this battle because she has been doing it longer and has had some heavy setbacks. I hope to follow her example and get past this crappy setback ASAP. That evening Florencia and Katy came over to cook us dinner and hang out. It is always nice to see their beautiful shining faces and to feel their positive energy.

It is crazy how quickly the days are flying by. Wednesday was the Art Show. So many of our friends worked so hard on getting this together I am reluctant to name names because I don’t want to leave anyone out. But I have to mention Denise, Florencia and Leslee. You guys worked your tail off and the show was an amazing, phenomenal success. I am also very thankful for the other artists who contributed their works to the show, everything was beautiful. I promise Chris will get some pictures up soon so you can all see how it went. I sold all but one painting of mine (besides the holdbacks that we are keeping for our house). Unbelievable.

I slept most of the day Wednesday to make sure I would have the stamina to make it through and although it was a little difficult at times I was fine. And I didn’t use my oxygen at all. I know I can do it, and I want to work my lungs but this breathing thing is getting harder even though I feel my lungs are clearer!

My biggest problem right now is anxiety or panic attacks. Something. I am really not the freak out type, never have been. I am the keep-calm-we-will-figure-it-out-in-a-minute type of girl. So I keep having conversations with myself about the issue and I am struggling. I can sit without oxygen for many, many hours. I can sit in a chair or on the bed and keep conversation without needing any assistance. But when I get up and have to walk somewhere, even a short distance, but particularly upstairs I have a very, very difficult time catching my breath. I get to where I am going, sit back down again, with or without the oxygen and it takes me time to settle myself into normal breathing. I know a lot of it is in my head because sometimes I can regulate very quickly and others not so much. I can’t seem to just convince myself to calm down.

I have absolute faith that we will be looking back on these days in the months and years to come just as we look back on the hard days in the months and years past dealing with this cancer. I’m so thankful for all of your prayers. I know that they are helping me to get better. I also want thank my beautiful loving husband. There’s not a day that I could have gone through without him. We still have a lot more adventure to go. This is not the end.

67 thoughts on “Are you there God? It’s me, Maggie.

  1. Maggie – you are so amazing!
    Keep talking to God. He does answer prayers! You and Chris remain in my prayers daily.
    Thanks for taking the time to speak to everyone! Can’t wait to hear your updates years from now. 🙂

  2. I absolutely believe that turning it over God is your best medicine. You’re so upbeat and positive in your post. I can’t help but believe that God is going to provide a miracle and heal you soon. I will continue to pray for that.

  3. You are the most amazing person I have ever (known) heard about. I have not met you. I was in Carrie’s class last year and have been obsessed with your adventure. I just want to come to your page and see that you are cured. You make me a better person and inspire me so much. Thank you for sharing! God is with you, I feel such a strong spirit when I pray for you. You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. Maggie,

    I loved reading your story, it was exciting and inspiring for me to hear your side of this incredibly challenging adventure you are on. We all perceive God, energy, spirit in different ways. For me, I believe that we are put on Earth in human bodies for the sole purpose of discovering that WE are pieces of God. Your strength, beauty and love demonstrates to me, someone who is truly tapping into this power which has so much more influence than any drug or needle or Dr.’s words..not to mention the profound influence you have had on so many people who are following you through this journey. So I think God has already provided a miracle…YOU!

  5. Doctors may give up, but God, and friends as stubborn as yours, do not. I pray for your comfort and healing. I love you, Maggie.

  6. Maggie, acupuncture has incredible healing properties. Continue with the “One Two Punch” of acupunture and prayer and there will not be a fight you cannot conquer. Stay strong and believe… All my love to you and Chris.

  7. The chanting and positive visualizations also have healing power. I know it is know where close to the same thing, but whenever I feel a cold coming on I chant “I will not get sick” over and over for like and hour as I’m drifting off to sleep. When I wake up the next morning all symptoms are gone… But, most importantly, keep praying with faith that God will heal you.

  8. Maggie,
    We do not know each other, but we walk the same path. I was diagnosed in June 2008 with stage IV colon cancer. It was during one of my research episodes online that I ran across your blog. I have to say both you and Chris are beautiful writers. Maggie, I remember when I was diagnosed, how very scared and lost I felt. I remember one Saturday not long after coming home from the hospital that I kept asking God for some sign that I would get through this mean cruel disease. I had read that stats had showed that exercise decreased your odds at recurrence, so I kept telling myself to get out and walk on this particular Saturday. I kept putting it off, and finally toward evening we had dinner, and then I did the dishes telling myself “I will walk tomorrow”. After getting my kitchen cleaned, I took my shower and got my pj’s on and settled in for the evening to watch some television. Something kept nagging at me. It was the stangest feeling. Something kept telling me to go for a walk. So finally I got up, went and changed, put my tennis shoes on, told my boyfriend “I’m going for a walk”. He looked at me like I was crazy, and finally said he would go with me. We started out and I was only going to walk around our park area. When I went to turn one way, Jeff, my boyfriend said lets walk out to the main street and down and come back around a bigger area. But I did not want to walk that far, but I gave in and away we went. We had walked up to the main street near where we live, and turned left to walk down near the freeway. When we had turned left I saw a group of people standing up ahead on the next corner. They were wearing bright blue t-shirts with something written in black bold letters on the back, but I could not tell what it said. As we got closer, and only then could I see what was on the back of the shirts. I finally got my sign that I had ask for all day. On the back of the shirts was “TRUST JESUS”. At the moment I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I knew then that God would get me through this journey. Like you, I don’t know where this journey will end or when, but I do know that God will be walking it with me. Maggie, keep your faith strong, and keep the hope alive. Miracles do happen, and we both can have them. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers…God Bless, Susan

  9. I’m smiling! Maggie, if we get my palliative Xeloda from the pharmacy we pay ~$444/cycle. If I use the mail order service (www.medco.com) with the same insurance we get a three month Xeloda supply for $35. Maybe your insurance has a similar mail order option?

    Chris… Help Maggie moisturize her feet a couple times a day. 8 Xeloda pills a day left me with some painful foot problems. Fluocinonide and backing off to 6 pills cleared that problem up.

    Don’t indulge the anxiety attacks. A little helpful Prozac helps keep me feeling more like myself…

    Hold Fast
    Don MacLeod

  10. “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. . . . But those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles” (Isaiah 40:29,31).
    FLY HIGH, MAGGIE!

  11. Dearest Maggie and Chris,

    You are two of the most amazing people I know. I have learned so much from both of you and I think of you often when my own struggles (which pale mightily in comparison to yours) get me down. You both have the spirit of warriors, and you simply never give up!

    I applaud your strength and I look forward to the day when you can look back upon this adventure and say, “We were right to keep up the fight. Now let’s go have some new adventures of our own choosing!”

    I am so sad to have missed your Art Show. I didn’t learn about it until I’d already made other commitments. I would have loved to have one of your paintings. I know they were amazing, and I look forward to seeing them when Chris posts photos of them online. I am so happy for you that it went well. You must be thrilled at the success of your show, and I am thrilled for you. Some day, when I grow up, I’d love to be a real artist and have a show too. And more importantly, I’d love to emulate the warrior’s spirit with an artist’s heart that you embody.

  12. Jeremiah 30:17
    “But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,” declares the LORD. Keep praying Maggie… He is listening.

  13. Wow imagine 2 great writers! There are so many things I could say but Ill just go with “Maggie, you are so cool!”

  14. Maggie: As I said in my comment on a previous post, you don’t know me at all, but I have been following your journey as I got to it from Francis’s blog (Francis is a friend of mine). Anyway, I am quite overwhelmed and hopeful reading this post. Few days ago when I read about your latest visit to MD, I sincerely prayed that night asking God to show me a miracle by healing you and making it all easier for you and Chris. I have a feeling he is on the job now. Hope you become cancer free soon…

  15. I am visualizing healing within your body and praying for you many times! You are so amazing and very loved!!
    I believe in the power of prayer and know that you have many others praying for you too. Love you very much!!

  16. Maggie,
    What an amazing post! My mother is currently battling Stage IV cancer (she is also curently taking the combo CPT11/Xeloda). I could write volumes on colon cancer, chemo, oncologists, liver, lungs, Xeloda, co-pays, oxaliplatin, nausea, diarrhea, patient assistance programs…but I won’t ;). My mom, who is truly an inspiration to me, has fought this battle since diagnosed in Aug. 2006. Her dr. is so impressed with her. We’ve had some rough times, but she just keeps trusting God. I remember when she was first diagnosed and I was devastated (I HATE when drs. give “survival rates.”) She came home that day and went straight to her garden and worked ;).

    I found a man online who was told over 10 yrs ago he had about 4 mos. The cancer has spread to his liver. At that time, Xeloda was in clinical trials. To make a long story short, I have been in contact with him and today he is virtually cancer-free!! His name is Robert Vandegrift if you want to goggle him. He has written a book on his “strategies” and I know he would be happy to email it to you.

    Also, I know that living in TX, you guys have heard of Joel Osteen? His mother was told over 25 yrs ago that she had terminal liver cancer. They put all their trust on God and she is alive and well today.

    Looking forward to many more updates from you all.

  17. Maggie..this is beyond wonderful news! I have had panic attacks since I was 10. They suck, I know. I still take medication for them to this day. I’ve read all kinds of books and done lots of research on anxiety and panic attacks, so if you ever need to talk about them…I’m you’re girl!!

    I’m so glad that Chris has this site for you both, I look at it everyday. You have inspired so many people, including me!! My prayers and love to you both.

  18. Maggie,
    I never thought for one second that you would give up, but I am so glad to hear from you directly how strong your spirit remains. As I read your story above, I pictured it many years from now published with that italic writing at the bottom speaking to its audience of your complete recovery. Though we don’t see you often, we think of you and pray for you all the time. You continue to be an amazing inspiration.

  19. I am like Flo…. Maggie, you are an amazing human being and one day, I hopet to be just like you – positive, strong, a fighter and inspiring. I will not lose faith, will keep praying and chanting along with you…and visualizing many more adventures. God Bless!!!

  20. Go Maggie!!! Your strength of spirit, mind and body is SOOOO sensational. Your positivity is absolutely inspiring!! Keep visioning your healing! One of the best healing mantras is “I trust my body. My body has the power to heal and I trust that my body will not let me down. My body will expell this disease.” If you’re up late at night send that message over and over – that ball of healing power IS in you!! We ALL are with you 🙂

  21. So amazing to “hear” you on here Maggie. You amaze me! Keep seeing the healers or have them come to you. It’s free and your friends will donate to them. When you have anxiety and panic chant the phrase I taught you, chris too. Picture what you need In your mind. Calmness and cancer free, chant..Nam-myoho-renge-kyo
    Say it aloud so the prayers get carried up, chant as much as you can. I loveyou and felt so honored you called me about Francis

  22. Now that’s the Maggie I know. Gettin’ it done any way she can. My thoughts are with you and Chris.

    It was so nice seeing you at the art show. You’re pieces were amazing! What a great turnout.

  23. Maggie – you are SUCH an inspiration!! Love you, Love you Love you! I’m so glad that you decided to post in the blog!! See, I told ya people would love to hear from you. And you write very well! (They didn’t give you the entire last page in your senior yearbook for nuthin, ya know!) Girl – you could be writing in ebonics for all we care, and we’d still love to know what’s going on in your head and heart. I know it inspires so many friends and strangers. We all have such challenges in our lives and you provide such strength and courage that (at least speaking for myself) helps me to believe that anything is possible and I can conquer what ever B.S. lands in front of me. I have so many friends that have never met you, read the blog, are inspired and ask me about you all the time. Thank you for this glimpse inside your heart expressed in your words. It’s a gift to each of us – really, it is!!

  24. Maggie —
    You are a force to be reckoned with! Take that cancer! I pray for you and Chris daily and I am certain that all of our combined prayers are not going unheard — so they will not go unanswered. I am here cheering you on and sending good vibes your way. You are amazing and an inspiration not only to those of us lucky to know you, but obviously even to those who have never met you! God Bless & Keep You Always, Maggie. I am so happy that you are growing in your faith.

  25. I am thrilled to hear this good news! You don’t know me, but I’ve known you guys for 2 years now via Carrie. Yes, keep praying, as we all continue to pray for you!

  26. I don’t know you personally but I have been reading your story and wanted to tell you that I admire your strength and wish you all the positive energy in the world to continue fighting!!! I will continue reading this and I look forward for the time that you are cured!! Sending you all my best wishes!

  27. What a wonderful treat to hear from you, Maggie! Thank you for blessing us!

    I ran across some recommended readings that might pique your interest:

    “I’m Alive and the Doctor’s Dead”, by Sue Buchanan

    “Damaged But Not Broken”, by Larry Burkett

    “Conquering Cancer”, by Dr. Paul Johnson

    “The Cancer Conqueror”, by Greg Anderson

    “Encourage Me: Caring Words for Heavy Hearts”, by Charles Swindoll

    “Love, Medicine and Miracles”, by Dr. Bernie Siegel

    “Anatomy of an Illness”, by Norman Cousins

    “The Cancer Answer”, by Maureen Salaman

    “Food: Your Miracle Medicine”, by Jean Carver

    “An Alternative Medicine Definitive Guide to Cancer”, by W. John Diamond, Nathaniel Mead, and Burton Goldberg

    “The Cancer Industry”, by Ralph Moss

    “Encyclopedia of Natural Medicine”, by Michael Murray and J. Pizzorno

    “Third Option”, by John M. Fink

    Keep on fighting, girlfriend! You can do it!

    Praying for you both

  28. Maggie,

    I am Deena’s daughter, Jessica. You are so inspiring. Your words are uplifting! I am sending out my prayers as you fight this battle. My mom has shared some of your experiences with me, and I know how strong you are! Stay positive — we are all behind you!

    Jessica

  29. Maggie, I pray for you everyday, the other night I went to bed thinking of you and I woke up several times through out that same night thinking of you, I can’t explain it- I was hoping you were sleeping and dreaming peacefully. I have only met you once, that was on Halloween. You and Chris were dressed as Annie and Daddy Warbucks Lol! I am a good friend of Cynthia’s. Just know that you are thought of everyday.
    love, jeanette

  30. Dearest Maggie,

    Tears are streaming down my face and I feel like God has answered one of my prayers. I did not want you to give up..I am praying and pulling for you.

    There is only one God and God can do anything. I am so happy that you have put yourself in God’s hands.

    I always prayed to God to help my beautiful little sister, and to help all the doctors to help her. I am a firm believer in faith.

    Please don’t ever give up. I wish I can give you a hug right now how proud I am of you.

    May God heal you , you don’t know how many peoples lives you have touched.

    Please, please just have faith in God, never give up.

    They told my sister she had 2 months to live the first place she went to.Thank God she did not listen to them. She fought, on Easter Day God helped her to find the best doctor in the world.Thank God for miracles.

    Thank God miracles do happen and every little prayer helps…just keep fighting and never give up. Life is so precious.

    Do everything that makes you happy, even cry when you feel like it..it is good for your soul…just get better soon.

    Love,
    Mirjana

  31. Another book recommendation:

    “Finding God When Life’s Not Fair: Surviving Soul-Shakers and Aftershocks”, by Lee Ezell

  32. Life is short.
    Break the rules.
    Forgive quickly.
    Kiss passionately.
    Love truly.
    Laugh constantly.
    And never stop smiling
    no matter how strange life is.
    Life is not always the party we expected it to be
    but as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful.

    ~Author Unknown

  33. Maggie,
    It was great to hear from you (have to give props to Chris too since he is a great, honest writer too). I continue to pray for you and send good, positive and loving thoughts your way!

    Maureen (Karen Bradford’s Aunt)

  34. As usual, your insight is poignant and unpredictable, and alternately brings a smile to my face and a tear to my eye. I think this is one of THE MOST therapeutic blogs I have ever read. Everyone seems to get something special and unique from the entries. Thank you to you and Chris for that, and this is my favorite entry to date.
    I hate to be cliche and quote some famous person, but alas, I heard this quote yesterday on a tv commercial and it reminded me of you. So here it is:
    “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
    -Ralph Waldo Emerson

    May the Lord protect and defend you…

  35. Maggie,

    You have so many people who don’t even know you praying so hard for your healing. May God bless you during this journey and His will be done. You are an inspiration to me. I believe with all my heart that He can heal you. Hang in there!

  36. Maggie,
    You are a strong, brave and inspiring woman. I am glad that I ‘found’ you and Chris. I know that no matter what this darned cancer throws at me I can fight back just as hard. I know that you will too.

  37. What an inspiration you and your wonderful husband are..Keep talking to God he does listen…keep the faith..you’ve got what it takes.. you are in my prayers every night

  38. Maggie, it’s so good to hear from you on the blog! I truly believe in the power of positive thinking and I know things will come around. Keep fighting because you never know what may be around the corner! I am so happy the art show went well and I was more than happy to help out! Love to you and Chris!

  39. Hi there, I’m another one of those I-don’t know-you-but… But I’ve been reading your story for almost a year and while I’m not someone who prays often, I’m praying for you both. You’re lucky to have each other. Some people never have that chance at love. And to know you are lucky, well, that’s very rare indeed! Keep praying and loving and fighting. You have so many ‘friends’ out there who you touch and inspire.

  40. “Never place a period where God has placed a comma!” This is what your both about…you continue to amaze me every day. Please God, answer Maggie’s prayers!!!!!!! I have had panic attacks for 40 years, and one of the saying’s that have helped me is……”There is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so!”When I get scared about something I think of you Maggie and how you’ve been handling your own, and it helps me get through it. God Bless you and Chris. I love you for whom you both are!
    Bonnie

  41. Hello again to Maggie and Chris,
    I hope someday I am granted the honor of meeting both of you amazing people. Your experience is beginning to remind me of my own. On Feb. 26 and 28 of 2008 two oncologists predicted I would live only 4-6 weeks and really pressured me to go to hospice. I got a third opinion from Dr. Thomas Tucker on March 5, 2008 (I call it my “second birthday”) and he proposed a chemo treatment that he described as “risky” and possibly likely to even hasten my death, even maybe making my death more unpleasant. He stressed the risk so as not to raise false hopes but he did agree to treat me (something the other two docs would not do). Having nothing to lose, I took the bait with no hesitation.
    Today is April 24, 2009 and I am still alive, 60 weeks later, nearly 10 times the “life expectancy” I was given in 2008. I know many of the symptoms you describe — I have extensive liver mets, bloating, appetite and weight loss, and most sleeping pills don’t even make a dent on my agitated brain so a full night’s sleep is a rarity. I was on oxygen for a couple of months but, somehow (we’re not even sure how), I was able to wean off it and I no longer carry oxygen with me.
    Maggie, your family, especially your husband, is a treasure. I’ve had to do my stuff without close family and with a disabled husband who still expects me to help him. Being surrounded by your loving supportive family can only help your healing.
    My church, faith (although weak), many kind friends and a support group have helped me survive. Thanks to them, I’m only half crazy and usually socially acceptable! Without these supports, I’d probably be getting chemotherapized in a mental institution. Keep up your prayers and I will include you in mine. One thing that has helped me is giving thanks for those blessings that I do have. I’m a hard-care pessimist so this is all very difficult. Your positive spirit is very admirable to me and I think some of it has rubbed off on me already. I am so VERY GLAD that you did not give up.
    carol

    1. Carol, don’t give up either. When it’s hard not to be pessimistic go to your list of at least 5 things that make you smile. I’m sorry you don’t have asmuch support as you should, but I know all of Maggie & chris’ friends will be praying for you now

  42. dear maggie,
    i am so glad to see that you and chris are keeping the faith and not giving up in the face of the worst kind of news from the “wizards”. i totally believe you can be healed and that there is a lot more to the power of prayer than scientists and logical folks would like to give credit to. when my wife shea had a tumor on her ovary a year and a half ago, it was the size of a softball when it was discovered. in about six weeks time, when it was removed, it had shrunk to the size of a golf ball, or thereabout, with absolutely no medical treatment whatsoever. i believe it was due to noneother than all the prayers being lifted up all over the country by all the wonderful human beings doing the praying. we are praying for you daily, darling, and your rock of a husband as well. i am sure you can and will make it thru this with stories to tell. God bless you!!!!!

  43. I’m a friend of a friend and just wanted to tell you that you both continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

    I think that the meditations that you’ve been doing are really powerful and fully expect that you’ll see great results. I was just reading a book called “Spontaneous Healing” by Harvard-trained doctor Andrew Weil that has all sorts of *amazing* stories of healing with a combination of traditional medicine and mind/body therapies like you’re doing.

    Many, many prayers coming your way…

  44. If your heart is open to Him, fear not. Miracles happen every day and I believe wholeheartedly that it is God’s work as I read the many stories shared and know many more personally. Your spirit and optomism are shining examples to all of us, stay strong and keep your heart open.

  45. Maggie- you have been in my prayers and meditations. We never met- just had one case together but you are an amazing lady. God can perform miracles. Hang in there!!!

  46. I was a year ahead of you in law school and didn’t know you, just who you were. I regret that. All I’ve got to say is GO MAGGIE GO! You are an inspiration — keep up the fight.

  47. Maggie, thank you for sharing your thoughts… You are incredible! Of course, you’ve always been incredible but I’m just so amazed and proud and excited by your attitude & resilience & energy! You rock!
    You and Chris and your mom and Lori and Virgil are in my thoughts and prayers and your well being is my mantra & meditation.
    For those of us who don’t see enough of you – please keep writing!

  48. Dear Maggie- It means so much to hear from you about your own experience over this past week. In our room at MDA we have a big sign taped up on the wall. On it we wrote one word: “BELIEVE.” I just think that word over and over again. Just believe. Believe in the treatment. Believe in the healing and love and all the amazing positive energy that surrounds you at every moment. Believe you will have relief from pain and anxiety. And no matter what news may come, or what the future holds- believe you will find the peace and strength to face it. When we found this blog, we felt an immediate and profound sense of empathy. It is like holding up a mirror to our own life and experiences in many ways. It puts a voice to many of our thoughts and hardships and fears. More than once we have directed people to your blog when our own words fail. I’m sure you both understand that even at times of great joy and hope, there is also can be a sadness and sense of loss that is deeper than tears. And yet, through celebrating your post today, and the success of your art exhibit, and the special moments- and in grieving over your difficult days and pain- we have been able to access emotions that have been hard to reach on our own. We have smiled and laughed and perhaps more importantly, cried. You and Chris have inspired us in so many ways. You have shown what it means not to just live with cancer, but to live beautifully. We are so thankful to both of you for sharing your honest thoughts and experiences. Maggie, you are touching so many lives with your grace and courage- and in turn, those people’s lives are transformed. And they take that same spirit and touch others’ lives. And on and on… and on. You are in our hearts. We are thinking of you and Chris every day.

  49. Maggie,

    Thank you for writing and letting us hear your voice. You and Chris are in my prayers everyday. I love your fighting spirit. Keep kicking butts.
    Keep praying. Keep talking. Keep being the beautiful you that you are.
    God love you.

  50. Sweet Maggie — what a powerful impact you had on me and our entire Life of Meaning Class — in such a short time. You inspire us all to live better, be better, do better. My prayers are with you, kid.

  51. Maggie I am in awe… seeing Gods work through you right now, inspiring so many people with your strength, spirit, and love. You have touched so many peoples lives and hearts, you are a miracle of God, and he is listening. I believe in miracles with all my heart, keep believing, keep fighting, and keep loving.
    All my prayers and love to you both my dear friends.
    Leann

  52. I’m sure you inspired my mom who has stage 4 colon cancer. She is still going through her first year of chemo, but things seem to be improving. I hope I have as much fight in me (since it seems to run in the family). Keep up the good work!

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