A Message to Me

My trip home from lunch was fraught with emotional landmines.  Stuff was just a blowin’ up everywhere.  My fantastic yet touching lunch with a good friend probably lit the fuses.  I left Wahoo’s just more than a little sad and happy.*  So when I got in the car I went to my happy maker:  music.  While I put the top down (standard procedure) I flipped through the songs like Goldilocks (not quite right, a little too fast, a little too slow.)   Then I hit on one I didn’t expect.  As the first words of “Calling You” by Blue October escaped from the speakers, my heart just stopped.

* It’s funny to say you left a place called Wahoo’s sad.  🙂

Maggie didn’t know this but that song always reminded me of her so much and made me smile so big that I used to sing top of my lungs smiling ear-to-ear when it came on the radio.  It just captured the energy, the love, the openness, even the anxiety of loving someone so much all in one three minute, forty-eight second song.  And it was all her.  And about us.  Well, wow, it really hurt this time.  I could barely see the road for the tears falling.

Then a funny thing happened.  The song was over but I wasn’t done crying so I hit rewind.  It started playing. I continued crying.  Then, not thirty seconds into the song, my iPod, sitting comfortably on the console, skipped to a new song all by itself.**  The familiar lumbering beat of “Clint Eastwood” by the Gorillaz replaced the sing-songy heart breaker and I was confused.  “Uh, why’d the song change?” I pondered as I reached for the iPod to rewind.  Then the lyrics started:

“I ain’t happy.  I’m feeling glad
I got sunshine, in a bag
I’m useless, but not for long
The future is coming on.”

And through my still-falling tears I smiled, put down the iPod and listened as Maggie told me, yet again, that everything is going to be fine.  Or better yet, that she’s with me and thinks I’m doing fine.  And she’s proud.

** Skeptics, pessimists or bitter folk can suck it.  I don’t frankly care if there was a logical reason why the iPod switched songs.  What matters is it did, the songs it played were significant, and that it mattered to me.  🙂

8 thoughts on “A Message to Me

  1. Wow!!! That gave me chills (in the best way). I am having a bad day dealing with the death of my father 2 months ago and came here today for inspiration…and found it. Thank you, Maggie and Chris!

  2. Oh I’m pretty sure Maggie had a hand in that. I know she is very proud of you. We all are. And we’ll continue cheering for you in the balcony section. And as far as maggie’s cell phone goes, you can change to the bare minimum service that costs about 30$ month. Thank you again for continuing to bare your soul. You have a lot of fans.

  3. That was not a coincidence nor a mistake of the ipod. That was her!!! She is telling you just that. She is with you always and you will be ok. She is your guardian angel….

  4. Chris,

    I’ve only met you once, but wanted to extend a Thanksgiving invitation(I’m here in Austin). Having lost someone close to me, I know this time of year can be rough. I know you have wonderful friends and family, but want to make sure you do not feel alone. I have a large family, and guests are always welcome in our homes. The more, the merrrier.

    Keeping you in my prayers,

  5. Oh I’m quite sure she reached down and pressed that iPod button. The same way she sent you that cartoon so many months back to tell you the same thing.

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