My trip home from lunch was fraught with emotional landmines. Stuff was just a blowin’ up everywhere. My fantastic yet touching lunch with a good friend probably lit the fuses. I left Wahoo’s just more than a little sad and happy.* So when I got in the car I went to my happy maker: music. While I put the top down (standard procedure) I flipped through the songs like Goldilocks (not quite right, a little too fast, a little too slow.) Then I hit on one I didn’t expect. As the first words of “Calling You” by Blue October escaped from the speakers, my heart just stopped.
* It’s funny to say you left a place called Wahoo’s sad. 🙂
Maggie didn’t know this but that song always reminded me of her so much and made me smile so big that I used to sing top of my lungs smiling ear-to-ear when it came on the radio. It just captured the energy, the love, the openness, even the anxiety of loving someone so much all in one three minute, forty-eight second song. And it was all her. And about us. Well, wow, it really hurt this time. I could barely see the road for the tears falling.
Then a funny thing happened. The song was over but I wasn’t done crying so I hit rewind. It started playing. I continued crying. Then, not thirty seconds into the song, my iPod, sitting comfortably on the console, skipped to a new song all by itself.** The familiar lumbering beat of “Clint Eastwood” by the Gorillaz replaced the sing-songy heart breaker and I was confused. “Uh, why’d the song change?” I pondered as I reached for the iPod to rewind. Then the lyrics started:
“I ain’t happy. I’m feeling glad
I got sunshine, in a bag
I’m useless, but not for long
The future is coming on.”
And through my still-falling tears I smiled, put down the iPod and listened as Maggie told me, yet again, that everything is going to be fine. Or better yet, that she’s with me and thinks I’m doing fine. And she’s proud.
** Skeptics, pessimists or bitter folk can suck it. I don’t frankly care if there was a logical reason why the iPod switched songs. What matters is it did, the songs it played were significant, and that it mattered to me. 🙂