What started in the bathroom has been spreading. Yesterday, the business of change overthrew a pile of crushed dreams in the corner of the kitchen that has gathered much dust. Stacks of receipts for closed bank accounts, letters from the court, change of relationship forms, and unused death certificates have lied where they fell after completing their last call of duty. Now, untouched for probably more than a year, these papers had become a pile of pins and needles that I occasionally ran my hand through but mostly just avoided. As of today, that pile is gone and its contents appropriately sorted and filed in the filing cabinet under “Crap That Sucks.” Continue reading Business of Change Continues
Monthly Archives: September 2011
Changes in the Bathroom
No lighting struck. No drums rolled. No sad music played. It was just me, the puppies and my staid emotion as I carried that vase that held the dried bouquet of roses to the back of our my house. Without fanfare, I grabbed the bunch by the stems, crunched them together as the brittle peddles disintegrated, and tossed them onto the compost pile. Of course, because nothing goes quite as plan, a few roses didn’t quite make the trip onto the pile but I didn’t feel like walking down into the ditch to gather them together again. Where they landed, they’ll stay. It was done.
That bouquet of very dead and dried roses has sat on her side of the bathroom now for years. It’s uncomfortable to call that out – years. But sat they did, right next to her driver’s license and the cute little hat she wore when after she lost all her hair. Now the bouquet is in the refuse pile, the driver’s license is in a special-memories box, and her cute little hat is in the closet. It’s amazing how the absences of so few little things can paint a room empty.
Now the bathroom truly looks like a bachelor’s bathroom – empty (just don’t open any drawers.)
How is it that I’ve been ok with a bouquet of roses that has been sitting in the same spot for years? My psychologist, the one I’ve seen now since Maggie started to get very ill, calls this state of inertia “business as usual.” In my professional life, I’ve never stood for business as usual. Standing still too long kill opportunities, breeds laziness, and stifles innovation. Yet, in my personal life, I had a bouquet of roses sitting on the counter in my bathroom for years – more than 850 days. (Today, by the way, marks 856 days since Maggie’s Angel Day – 6 days longer than she was officially sick.)
How many other things in my life are “business as usual” that are keeping me stuck? What other virtual bouquets are around the house I’ve been looking over now for years? Am I ready to see them? Better yet, am I ready to move them?
Today, business as usual became new business – the business of change.
No lighting struck. No drums rolled. No sad music played. It was just me, the puppies and my staid emotion as I carried the dried bouquet of roses to the back of our my house. Without fanfare, I grabbed the bunch by the stems, crunched them together as the brittle peddles disintegrated, and tossed them onto the compost pile. Of course, because nothing goes quite as plan, a few roses didn’t quite make the trip onto the pile but I didn’t feel like walking down into the ditch to gather them together again. Where they landed, they’ll stay. It was done.
That bouquet of very dead and dried roses has sat on her side of the bathroom now for years. It’s uncomfortable to call that out – years. But sat they did, right next to her driver’s license and the cute little hat she wore when after she lost all her hair. Now the bouquet is in the refuse pile, the driver’s license is in a special-memories box, and her cute little hat is in the closet. It’s amazing how the absences of so few little things can paint a room empty.
Now the bathroom truly looks like a bachelor’s bathroom – empty (just don’t open any drawers.)
How is it that I’ve been ok with a bouquet of roses that has been sitting in the same spot for years? My psychologist, the one I’ve seen now since Maggie started to get very ill, calls this state of inertia “business as usual.” In my professional life, I’ve never stood for business as usual. Standing still too long kill opportunities, breeds laziness, and stifles innovation. Yet, in my personal life, I had a bouquet of roses sitting on the counter in my bathroom for years – more than 850 days. (Today, by the way, marks 856 days since Maggie’s Angel Day – 6 days longer than she was officially sick.)
How many other things in my life are “business as usual” that are keeping me stuck? What other virtual bouquets are around the house I’ve been looking over now for years? Am I ready to see them? Better yet, am I ready to move them?
Today, business as usual became new business – the business of change.
No lighting struck. No drums rolled. No sad music played. It was just me, the puppies and my staid emotions as I carried the dried bouquet of roses to the back of our my house. Without fanfare, I grabbed the bunch by the stems, crunched them together as the brittle peddles disintegrated, and tossed them onto the compost pile. Of course, because nothing goes quite as plan, a few roses didn’t make the trip onto the pile but I didn’t feel like walking down into the ditch to gather them together again. Where they landed, they’ll stay. It was done. Continue reading Changes in the Bathroom