Progress Every Day
26 May 2010 at 9:27 am. 6 Comments. 587 views.
Slowly but steadily I’m navigating through all the million little details of the cleanup from the last four years. I feel like me and those poor folks in New Orleans have something in common – a slow, painful, and laborious cleanup. But, progress every day is my goal, even if just a little. And I’m making it. Fortunately, my feet are a little more stable now and I feel stronger every day. Thankfully, the space I can wander around in without hitting a tender spot is getting bigger. (more…)
Maggie’s Angel Day
11 May 2010 at 8:22 pm. 7 Comments. 757 views.
I’ve been sitting on this post for a week for fear that I’ll offend many people. Odd, considering that’s never really been something I’ve valued before. But for whatever reason, that’s been on my mind. I feel it’s important that everyone work through grief the best they can in their own way. I don’t want to judge or even guide. For this post, however, my views expressed may come across as judgmental or, more likely, minimizing. It’s certainly not meant that way. Hopefully, this post will serve as simply a glance through the window into the life and mind of a humble widower who loved his wife more than words can say. (more…)
Slaying Dragons
3 May 2010 at 10:54 pm. 17 Comments. 866 views.
It’s been a very long 364 day journey to get here. The many battles have tested my determination, my faith, and my will to live in ways I never could have imagined. My legs and heart are tired from the tribulations but my mind, I feel, has grown stronger, sharper but at such a huge cost. Still, I carry forward, undeterred by the suffering and heartbreak I’ve seen, refusing to entertain thoughts of failure. The journey forced on me must be completed. (more…)
Angel Day Cometh
30 Apr 2010 at 10:27 am. 3 Comments. 525 views.
Maggie’s Angel Day looms near. Last year on this date, time was just about standing still. This year the beat of the ticking clock is not so insistent. Less screaming. Less gnashing of teeth. Less sandpaper grit against my heart. Less Maggie. (more…)
Grief Checklist
28 Apr 2010 at 1:50 pm. 4 Comments. 544 views.
Somehow I stumbled across a blog of a fellow traveler, LN, who is morning her precious KT. Her Angel Day was February 11, 2010. LN is behind me on this journey and I too clearly recognize the pot holes she’s stumbling into. One thing she posted really hit dead on, a list she compiled from a grief counseling session. (more…)
Checks in the Mail
26 Apr 2010 at 10:49 am. 3 Comments. 513 views.
So back in late May of last year, the government sent me my consolation prize – a check for $255. (more…)
Standing Taller
24 Apr 2010 at 11:30 am. 4 Comments. 446 views.
Going back and reading last year’s blog posts has been an amazing part of this month. Now, I don’t mean amazing “great” as in “our vacation to Disney World was amazing.” I mean more amazing like “Wow, watching the twin towers fall on TV was amazing.” Every day it’s like a spiritual cleansing (and an eye bath.) And it’s tough. But it’s necessary. I feel like without the homage, I’m doing a disservice, like I’m forgetting her. Truth is I am. It’s been just nearly a year since I’ve seen her smile. It’s been longer than that since I’ve seen her walk, TRULY walk the floor (and oh how I loved to watch her walk.) I could go on and on. There’re so many, many things about her that I haven’t seen in way longer than a year (like how she danced, or how she’d run around excitedly or how she’d talk with her hands or how her hair framed her face….) Many, many, many things. I miss them all. Or at least all the ones I remember. (more…)
Fun with Chase Bank
8 Apr 2010 at 10:21 am. 16 Comments. 1118 views.
Slowly, I’m working through the process of wrapping up Maggie’s “estate.” I put estate in quotes because, frankly, it just seems so impersonal and kind of unreal, like an inappropriate term – one I’m certainly not comfortable with. This “estate” was my sweet wife’s stuff! These were things that were important to her, parts of her life that I’m…. making go away. These are not an “estate.” These are little fragile pieces of broken dreams that I’m setting free after being trapped in the quagmire that is the legal process. Well, as of last Thursday, the judge gave me the legal power to set all her remaining dreams free. (more…)
Probate Court Thursday
30 Mar 2010 at 10:23 am. 4 Comments. 635 views.
Thursday at 10:30 AM I get the privilege of standing in front of a judge and testifying that Maggie was my wife, and that she died, and that we didn’t have any kids. After that’s complete I’ll get a document called a Letter of Administration that will finally allow me to start closing Maggie’s accounts, filing tax returns and doing other things that have been held up by the legal system. (more…)
Tough Days Coming
26 Mar 2010 at 9:14 pm. 4 Comments. 561 views.
We’re coming up on dark days filled with emotional echos. I try not to reflect but it’s difficult. My idle brain quickly skips back a year, back to the deeply emotional and traumatic daily experiences that were overwhelming our lives. I’m so thankful for the blog because it helps me remember those poignant and painful times. I’m especially thankful for the comments so many people left. Oddly enough, my posts don’t usually hit me nearly as hard as the comments do. (more…)