All posts by Chris

Level Check

Two hours and fifteen minutes.  No biggie, I thought.  I’ll just read one post while I’m cooking supper.  Two hours and fifteen minutes.  With the news story and all my getting out and having fun I seem so strong, so adjusted, so… so… over it.  So, while my Shake ‘n Bake chicken cooks, I’ll flip over to the blog, and read just one post titled Not Much Farther.  I wrote it the morning of the day It happened, the day she died.  Two hours and fifteen minutes.  That’s how long I sat in the floor and cried.  That’s how “over it” I am. Continue reading Level Check

Progress Every Day

Slowly but steadily I’m navigating through all the million little details of the cleanup from the last four years.  I feel like me and those poor folks in New Orleans have something in common – a slow, painful, and laborious cleanup.  But, progress every day is my goal, even if just a little.   And I’m making it.  Fortunately, my feet are a little more stable now and I feel stronger every day.  Thankfully, the space I can wander around in without hitting a tender spot is getting bigger. Continue reading Progress Every Day

Maggie’s Angel Day

I’ve been sitting on this post for a week for fear that I’ll offend many people.  Odd, considering that’s never really been something I’ve valued before.  But for whatever reason, that’s been on my mind.  I feel it’s important that everyone work through grief the best they can in their own way.  I don’t want to judge or even guide.  For this post, however, my views expressed may come across as judgmental or, more likely, minimizing.  It’s certainly not meant that way.  Hopefully, this post will serve as simply a glance through the window into the life and mind of a humble widower who loved his wife more than words can say. Continue reading Maggie’s Angel Day

Slaying Dragons

It’s been a very long 364 day journey to get here.  The many battles have tested my determination, my faith, and my will to live in ways I never could have imagined.  My legs and heart are tired from the tribulations but my mind, I feel, has grown stronger, sharper but at such a huge cost.  Still, I carry forward, undeterred by the suffering and heartbreak I’ve seen, refusing to entertain thoughts of failure.  The journey forced on me must be completed. Continue reading Slaying Dragons

Standing Taller

Going back and reading last year’s blog posts has been an amazing part of this month.  Now, I don’t mean amazing “great” as in “our vacation to Disney World was amazing.”  I mean more amazing like “Wow, watching the twin towers fall on TV was amazing.”  Every day it’s like a spiritual cleansing (and an eye bath.)    And it’s tough.  But it’s necessary.  I feel like without the homage, I’m doing a disservice, like I’m forgetting her.  Truth is I am.  It’s been just nearly a year since I’ve seen her smile.  It’s been longer than that since I’ve seen her walk, TRULY walk the floor (and oh how I loved to watch her walk.)  I could go on and on.  There’re so many, many things about her that I haven’t seen in way longer than a year (like how she danced, or how she’d run around excitedly or how she’d talk with her hands or how her hair framed her face….)  Many, many, many things.  I miss them all.  Or at least all the ones I remember. Continue reading Standing Taller

Fun with Chase Bank

Slowly, I’m working through the process of wrapping up Maggie’s “estate.” I put estate in quotes because, frankly, it just seems so impersonal and kind of unreal, like an inappropriate term – one I’m certainly not comfortable with. This “estate” was my sweet wife’s stuff! These were things that were important to her, parts of her life that I’m…. making go away. These are not an “estate.” These are little fragile pieces of broken dreams that I’m setting free after being trapped in the quagmire that is the legal process. Well, as of last Thursday, the judge gave me the legal power to set all her remaining dreams free. Continue reading Fun with Chase Bank