Twapt!  The sound both startled and sickened me.  Having lived in this amazing house with so many windows for the last eleven years, I knew that distinct sound well.  It wasn’t a sound of happiness.  An examination of the kitchen windows confirmed my suspicions.  One of the tallest windows had a lingering fuzzy feather stuck to it which was framed by smear marks.  And lying, dazed, on the ice-cold flagstone outside was a small female red bird.  Damn. Continue reading A Story About a Bird →

Today marks twenty months since I last kissed my angel.  I sound like a broken record when I say I can’t believe how difficult this still is.  Nearly two years have gone by and yet I feel like I’ve made only a few insignificant steps forward.  But I keep on. Continue reading Twenty Months →

“Whacha doin’?” I asked.

“Nothin’” he mumbled, looking up briefly from his work to lock eyes, that warm, friendly gaze ever so familiar.

As he gently tapped another brick in place I continued with my story.  It was like all the others lately, sad and filled with heart-pain and lost love.  I spoke straight from my heart.  The comfort of being best friends for such a long time made it easy to be blunt.  He smiled as I spoke, occasionally looking up and mumbling confirmative grunts.  But he never stopped working. Continue reading The Love of Friends →

Today would have been her 35th birthday.  I doubt she ever imagined she’d miss it, especially this way.  It gives me such pause.

I miss her very, very much every single day.

Three drawers.  For all the effort, you’d think I was working on a bipartisan peace agreement for the Middle East, or the solution for global warming, or the… the cure for cancer.  Nope.  Just three drawers that are now empty.  It’s done.  But “done” means “a decent start” here.  It also means progress.  Thankfully, the process wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be.  It wasn’t easy, no, but it wasn’t bone-crushingly, heart-blender-ing hard.  It was just plain ol’, regular hard. Continue reading Steps Forward →

Over a plate of home-cooked Shepherd’s pie last Friday, my good friend asked “do you think you could even recognize a great new relationship if it was in front of you?”  Uh.. moving on…. Continue reading Shepherd’s Pie →

A very good friend of mine who has been fantastically supportive over the last year has, during some of my most difficult times, sent me a wonderful quote that has helped me summon more fortitude than I would have been able to otherwise.  It goes like this:  “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think” – Winnie the Pooh.  What a perfect thing to say.  Today, during a trying time for her, I thought I would return the favor.  Making sure I got the quote just right, I asked The Googles.  Oh, boy.  I found my friend was only quoting half of what Mr. Pooh was saying.  The rest took my breath away. Continue reading Unexpected Touches →

It’s alarming to me but true.  One of the most frequently-searched phrases that brings visitors to this site is some combination of the phrases “chase bank”, “iolta account”, “estate.”  Therefore, for those who quite possibly are in need of a summary of my experiences with Chase Bank, I’m going to re-tell the whole story in a single post, simple and to the point. Continue reading Chase Bank and IOLTA Accounts →

Today marks 18 months since I’ve last kissed my baby.  That’s 1 year and six months.  A year and one half.  That’s a long time.  It’s difficult to me to grasp how long, but I’ve lived it ever single day so I know it’s true.  Yet it’s still hard to believe. Continue reading Eighteen Months →

“I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time.” – Calvin & Hobbes

I miss you so, so much, My Angel.  I hope I see you in my dreams tonight.