One Night in Mexico

Late, late, late at night, after an amazing show at the world-famous club Coco Bongo in Cancun, Mexico, I headed toward the place where I was hoping the bus that would take me back to the hotel would stop.  (To the uninitiated like me, it’s rather unclear as to where the busses actually stop to pick up passengers.)  Hovering around the area that only slightly resembled a bus stop were two couples.  On my approach, the drunkest of them asked me in terrible broken English where I was from.  On returning the favor, I learned they were all from France.  And thus began the early-morning fun. Continue reading One Night in Mexico

The Day We Met

I mean, seriously, who really expects the woman of their dreams to show up on their doorstep? That’s just silly talk. But yet there she was, smiling her beautiful smile, all but asking for my love, simply a romantic comedy sprung to life. Looking back, it’s just stupidly crazy how it all started. Heck, why do I even question the magic in the beginning of what would be a fairytale life together? Continue reading The Day We Met

My New View on Death

Catchers Mask

Duality of vision.  At least that’s what I’m calling it.  As of May 4th last year, along with my “new perspective,” my way of looking at things, physical things, has changed.  For example, driving into my garage every day I see Maggie’s catcher’s mask she used to wear while playing softball.  It hangs just inside the garage door right where I park the car.  When I see that mask, I think of the soft plastic that used to touch her forehead, the grill she used to breathe and taunt through, the strap that used to get tangled in her hair…. Such a simple object yet so filled with the richness of her experiences, the richness of her.  I also see it as a creepy object a dead person used to wear.  Both perspectives exist simultaneously, separately and incongruently in my mind.  One of those perspectives exists only in my heart.

Continue reading My New View on Death

Reminders Keep Coming

I’ve heard it said and I’ve seen the look in people’s eyes.  “When are you going to let all this go and move on?”  I stopped responding to that question.  I’ve learned that any amount of explaining I do is wasted air and just makes me look like I’m a) in denial, b) clinging to the past, c) looking for sympathy.  I, however, believe I’m doing none of those (denial, what?)  Gosh, I sure wish I could just click an Easy button and be done and move on.  Reality is that when big, bright stars explode the energy released sends ripples out far into the galaxy.  Maggie was the brightest star I know.  My galaxy will be feeling those ripples for a long, long time. Continue reading Reminders Keep Coming

Smiles at the Movies

I’ve been slowly and somewhat painfully going through my piles of stacked-up letters, bills, insurance crap and other miscellany that I collected last year during The Dark Days.  It continues to be a tough chore but it needs to be done.  More specifically, it needs to be done now because of timely tax issues I’ll write about later.  But the process put me squarely back into the months, weeks and days before Maggie’s Angel Day (oddly enough, the days after are just blank.)  Thus, as you might imagine, all today I’ve been in quite a funk that’s been hard to shake.  My heart has hurt (and is still hurting) deeply. Continue reading Smiles at the Movies

Maggie’s Diamonds

Why today, I’m not sure.  But today was a day of amazing… well… Let’s just say that it’s been a long time since I’ve felt my wife’s loving kisses.  As a well-educated, rational man I try not to look too far for things that might could be interpreted as messages from, you know, (insert creepy echo sound here) The Great Beyond.  I suspect that children would argue, were they equipped with such skills, that our grown-up filters get in the way of seeing the magic that’s right in front of our eyes every day.  Well, today, I was presented with something I find difficult to easily dismiss.  Fortunately, about such matters (a relatively recently decision, like, for the last 415 days) I’ve been more open than closed, accepting than judging, more faith than fact.  Today just took my breath away. Continue reading Maggie’s Diamonds

A Deer Story

Driving to the store I drove past two very little fawns playing in a yard.  Spotted, about a foot tall and cute as buttons but alone, I couldn’t help but wonder where their mom was.  I watched in horror in my rear-view mirror as one of them darted right across the same road I just blew down.  The other followed quickly.  Thankfully, the only car in the immediate vicinity was the one I was driving but the guy jogging, the lady walking her dog and the lady standing out in her yard collectively exhaled as the little guys made it safely to the other side of the road.  Holy cow, I thought.  So adorable yet so precariously placed.  I flipped a u-ee and headed back. Continue reading A Deer Story

Fear of Bullets

Living in a time capsule is my daily reality.  I’ve made paths around the house that are, as my friend Kyle calls them, pig trails.  If I wander too far off those pig trails I hit the past.  But lately when I do, the past doesn’t hurt quite so much anymore, or maybe I’ve nurtured nostalgia to replace the pain.  Nurtured/ developed/ replaced/ inserted/ forced/ whatever….   It just doesn’t hurt as much these days. Continue reading Fear of Bullets