Maggie woke up sad and I woke up angry.  But we share this sick feeling in the pit of our stomachs.  We are trying to smile but it’s tough.  And we both agree that it seems to hurt a lot worse this time around.  I think the second time around it’s just harder to start the climb when you know what the hill looks like.  Or is the hill bigger this time around?  It looks it from where we’re standing.

Maggie says she feels a little wonky still from yesterday’s abuse.  Frankly, I’m amazed she’s standing.  That was the most wild biological whipsaw I’ve ever seen.  Nurse Sharron and the other staff at The Spa did a wonderful job of triage and helping us out.  I’m very thankful they were there, available and attentive.  I can only imagine how that would have played out in a less caring, more sterile environment like at MD Anderson.  So, I suppose that’s one thing I’m definitely thankful about from yesterday – the competent and caring staff at The Spa.

This morning we decided to start the Xeloda.  We are both saddened that yesterday kept us from getting on with the chemo regimen.  Those tumors aren’t waiting around until we get the meds right so we’ve got to get on it.  Not time to waste. So at our lunch with Martha at Plucker’s, she took her first four poison horse pills.  Within an hour she said she could feel its draining effects.  But Maggie says she can feel the tumor in her chest and that her chest has grown in size.  Is it psychosomatic? Does it matter?  Feeling bad from the chemo pills will make her feel better that we are doing something other than just waiting.

2 thoughts on “Saturday

  1. We are ALL angry, we are ALL mad as hell. Why Maggie?…in the prime of her life, with her beloved next to her and her fabulously successful future ahead of her! Why not some bum on death row?

    We will never know, but if we can channel that energy into action, channel that action into support, faith, education….we can make a difference. I for one am educating my students about colon cancer (in a microbiology class!!) and about being your own health advocate when going to see your doctor. You know your body better than they do…if you think something is wrong…tell them, be insistent.

    Maggie and Chris, keep fighting, we are behind you, praying for you, educating others, keeping you in our hearts and minds. Chris, be strong and know that I’ll always be your lil sis and someone you can talk to.

    I love you both so much. You are my heroes in life. I want your autographs to hang on my wall more than anyone else’s.

  2. Carrie says it all.

    My prayers are literally a continual dialogue. If there was something I could do to take it all (or even a little bit) away, I would do it in a heartbeat!

    Much, much love –

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