Today the Mercedes dealership called to congratulate Maggie on three years ownership of her car.  Apparently, I bought the car back on September 28, 2006.  While I didn’t realized it had been three years, I clearly remember the event but it seems like so long ago.  The car was an early graduation gift from me to her.  She was so, so happy about it but she was also studying for her finals or something else important that my show of kindness was interrupting so celebrations were brief.  Nonetheless, she posed for a few photos and then shooed me off so she could continue her colligate grind.  It was a fun day and one of my favorite memories. Continue reading Maggie’s Cool Car →

A person I spent a lot of time with in Key West told me that she believes that everything happens for a reason.  Yup, there was a time a while back when I ascribed to that theory.  It’s a convenient one which alleviates any long running issues with culpability, both from a personal and a spiritual/religious nature.*  Remember the book The Celestine Prophecy?  The central theme to the book was that there were no coincidences; everything happened for a reason.  But I don’t believe it anymore.  I don’t buy it mostly because I’m absolutely incapable of understanding why the hell this happened.  Why the hell was our perfect little world torn apart like this?  I just can’t imagine an answer that makes any sense. Continue reading And We Learned…? →

Pieces are starting to come together now.  I can feel it.  Things are feeling different, like there’s momentum building to something new.  That’s a great change given that for the last number of months I’ve felt much more of stuck and lost than moving and new.  I feel very much like I’m taking the first steps on a new journey, a journey by myself.  I’ve spent a lot of time sitting on a big rock by the shore watching my empty boat float up and down on the river we just traveled.  I’ve watched carefully for smoke signals, anything to tell me she’s out there.  Funny enough, the signs are everywhere I choose to see them; fifty a day would be a breeze.  I’ve watched the boat float up and down in the water while I’ve sat for a long time by myself.  But as I watched and waited, I also have been busy.  I’ve collected the wood around me, made some new tools, and have begun to make a new boat. Continue reading Making Progress →

Today marks the four month anniversary of the last time I kissed and held my wife. I’ve tried over and over to write about that day but I just can’t seem to get it out. I barely even get a sentence down into type. One day I will. One very, very long day.

I just got back from a glorious motorcycle ride around town. I quickly forget how Zen it is to ride. On the surface the mind must stay very alert and active while the deeper parts of the mind, the wanderer (or the wonderer, depending your perspective) is free to wander. While dodging cars and debris, I replayed a conversation I had with a good friend last night over a supper. It’s been years since he and I have spoken but within thirty-five seconds into the conversation he had clearly demonstrated that he knew exactly how I was feeling. The minor variation in our vocabulary didn’t trip us up long and over a spicy meal of Indian food I found more comfort in understanding than I’d had since I could remember. It was divine. Continue reading Owning The Void →