Four Months Now

Today marks the four month anniversary of the last time I kissed and held my wife. I’ve tried over and over to write about that day but I just can’t seem to get it out. I barely even get a sentence down into type. One day I will. One very, very long day.

8 thoughts on “Four Months Now

  1. Hey Chris,
    September 2nd was the 4 month anniversary of Brad dying also of cc. I have been reading your blog daily. It makes me feel like I’m not so alone. Your advice about accepting the void was very insightful. I’m returning to work next week as a high school teacher and when I was doing photocopying last week I was shocked at how soothing it was to spend an hour photocopying a binder that I had borrowed from another teacher. It was such a mindless task like you riding your bike, it required me to pay attention to what I was doing while letting my mind wander.

  2. Chris,
    On Sept 4th where you wrote about the Void.giving it a space of it’s own really hit it for me.That is what I have been doing all my life with the times that are tough for me. Now I know why they never go away!
    You hit the nail on the head!It can only take a few words that can give you the right answer from the right words for the right answer to turn around you why of thinking. YOU did that for me. Thank you forgiving me the right way of thinking to get though my tough times. Besides reading your blog to find out how your doing I learn a great deal how to handle my life. I should pay you instead of a Doctor!
    Stay well and sane.

  3. I lost my mother, not my spouse, which I know is not the same. However, the last day with my mom was rough. The hospice nurses told us that when “it” happened, she would probably just go to sleep and not wake up. NOT. My mother, ever the fighter, fought for every breath ALL DAY. It was so so so so difficult to watch, but I couldn’t not be there. I wanted to tell her to just go, we’d be alright, but I just couldn’t do it.

    Anyway, I know what you mean. There are only certain times I can even bear to talk about it. I only typed this little bit to let you know you’re not alone in your feelings.

    Take care.

      1. I’m so, so sorry, Peach. I pray that as time passes, that memory will fade as happier memories of you mother become brighter.

  4. Chris,
    I towed my kids 10 kilometers in the bike trailer on Sunday in the “Terry Fox Run”. The whole time I was biking I was thinking of you and Maggie and me and Brad. I was thinking about the past, present and future. It was so hard. I just kept my legs going and I kept thinking about cancer and Brad and Maggie. Two people struck down in their prime who would have made a difference. Now I have to make a difference for other families. I don’t want anyone to suffer the loss we have. It is too brutal and cruel. Thank-you for inspiring me. Fiona.

  5. Hey Chris- 0115 ..can’t sleep…imagine that? It’s been almost 11 weeks since I said good bye to my husband. Leaving this weekend for Arlington National Cementery for his sevice next Tuesday. It’s like starting all over again. My friend shared,”Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself”.I hope she’s right.
    I read your postings for inspiration in my own journey. Thank you for sharing!

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