Any sleep I got was restless at best.  I was nervous, that’s for sure and the wheels in my brain were running round and round, over and over, reviewing every detail of The Plan.  In my head I rehearsed the speech a hundred times with each time just a little different.  Some versions were better and some were worse but I was struggling to make it perfect.  Looking back, it is funny how I thought she’d care if I got the words exactly right.  Make no mistake, though.  The importance of the moment was clear so rehearse I did…  But silently… over and over and over.  Who needs sleep anyway?  Occasionally, but very quietly, I’d sneak a peek outside.  Yup, it was still snowing.  That was my signal.  Today was the day. Continue reading The Proposal →

Today, I’m 40 and 1/365 years old. I’ve made it through growing up not-so-rich in a single-parent household, a fairly hard undergrad program while working at least one job, worked my way up from the bottom, through a very hard MBA program while watching my wife be very sick, been rich, been broke, been in love and held my wife in my arms as she died. If you think about it, as I have been lately, a lot has happened in the last 40 years and 1 day. Continue reading 40 and 1/365 years →

My 40^th birthday is just a few days away.  More than anything as of late I dread that day.  It represents a line in the sand I’m crossing, a demarcation of maturity and yet all the underpinnings that make that day (and the rest of my life) exciting have come unpinned.  Now, instead of a celebration of What Was and What’s To Come, that dreadful day is instead a reminder of What’s Gone and What I’ll Never Have. Continue reading My Birthday →

You know those funny little things you’ve seen in the newspaper but never really understood what they were?  You know, way back in the back in the classified ad section.  They look like little mini legal gobbledygook documents.  You’ve seen them.  I’ve always kind of wondered what they were and even what the story was behind each of those odd little announcements to the world.  In general, it’s kind of funny to me that they appear in the newspaper and that everyone (meaning our legal system) seems to accept that this is perfectly reasonable and normal.  But in every newspaper they sit, quietly, in the back hinting at a million little heartbreaking details. Continue reading Legal Notice in the Newspaper →

It’s been nine months as of today.  It’s just unbelievably difficult to grasp that it’s been nine months since I’ve last kissed my sweetie.  I’ve been staying somewhat busy keeping my engine running one way or another.  But I feel like my engine is just sputtering along like those in the old timey cartoons – with the smoke and popping and back-firing.  It’s like one of my cylinders is missing.  Some of my friends would argue otherwise.  They’d say that I’ve been charging forward, guns a-blarring with both barrels on fire.  Ah, but they are wonderful and optimistic friends and they don’t see the misfires.  Or I hide them well.  Or whatever.  Either way, it just doesn’t feel like nine months have passed since that day. Continue reading Nine Months Today →