Grief Checklist

Somehow I stumbled across a blog of a fellow traveler, LN, who is morning her precious KT.  Her Angel Day was February 11, 2010.  LN is behind me on this journey and I too clearly recognize the pot holes she’s stumbling into.  One thing she posted really hit dead on, a list she compiled from a grief counseling session.  It’s just right on and worth repeating.  Many of my posts over the last year speak to one or more of these points.  So here it is, edited just slightly:

1)  Your grief will take longer than most people think it should.

2)  Your grief will take more energy than you can imagine.

3)  Your grief will show itself in all spheres of your life and who you are; it will affect social relationships, health, thoughts, feelings and beliefs.

4)  You may experience spasms, waves or acute upsurges of grief without warning.

5)  You will have trouble thinking and making decisions: poor memory and organization.

6)  You may have some confusion about who you are; this is due to the intensity and unfamiliarity of the grieving experience and uncertainty about your new role in the world.

7)  You will grieve for future losses the death entails (hopes, dreams and unfulfilled expectations you held for and with that person).

All my best, LN.  You are not traveling alone.  There are millions of us.

4 thoughts on “Grief Checklist

  1. She has a great voice, thank you for sharing her site. I like the list, it reminds us to be patient with ourselves (and others), my mom still grieves, 34 years later, for my older brother. It is shocking how hard it hits her, out of the blue. I try to remember to be patient…and (strangely perhaps) be grateful that I do not understand that kind of pain.

  2. Chris, I’ve read your blog loyally for more than a year, and I would read it to KT. IT was a hard day in our house when news from you and Maggie was hard.Your blogging encouraged me to blog, and now I can’t now imagine how i would have coped if i had not written down these experiences as they were washing over me.
    Just so everyone knows, that grief checklist came via my grief counsellor, and she got it from some other source. Some entrprising googler can likely find the original author.
    Chris, thanks for being you and for lighting the way for the rest of us on this crazy journey.

    1. I’m humbled that you might connect something as powerful as the words you’ve written to anything I did. Like you, I can’t imagine having gone through all this, even as I live now day-to-day, without having this blog. The stories captured here help me remember and, in some ways, help me come to terms with what happened. Each time I re-read the stories the tight clamp of denial, disbelief, and shock loosens, sometimes just barely one quarter of a turn on the knob, allowing syrupy acceptance to ooze in.

      I haven’t read your blog yet, other than bits and pieces. I can’t right now. I’m sure you understand that. But it’s on my list of reads one day, one day when my feet are a little more solidly planted.

      I’m sure KT would agree, thanks for taking care of her. Your devotion made the world a little shinier. You earned your Angel’s wings. I’m sorry it had to be this way.

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